What does it mean to Honour our Parents?

Even when we don't think they deserve it?

Luke R. 02.08.2019

Upon reflection after last week’s sermon on Ephesians 6:1-4, I thought it necessary to address and define what Paul was referring to when he called the Ephesians to obey and honour their parents. It raises questions as to what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.  The word used here for children (Tekvov) is generally used to define young children and offspring in general. This is referring to the young members of the church directly but all children indirectly. This means that this relates to all of us. So, we are all called to obey and honour our parents when we abide with them and honour them as we leave to become our own family unit in marriage. 

 

In Verse 2 of Ephesians 6 Paul refers to the decalogue (Ten Commandments) in Exodus 20:12 as he commands the church. He states that if they obey and honour their parents they will go well and live long in the land. This is the first commandment that relates to human relationships and the first with a promise attached. This original commandment found in Exodus was specific to the children as they were about to enter and conquer the promised land and thus live under Gods care. It carries a weight as it states that they will be blessed, but like all Hebrew blessings it also carried a negative, that if they did not fulfil this law they would in turn not live long in the land. Paul in his command to the Ephesians gives further definition to the Hebrew law to include not just land blessings but life itself. This very much works within the original context as for a Jew to lose the promise land meant stepping outside the care of God and thus life. 

With this in mind, and the weight of the spirit inspired words of Paul ringing heavily in our ears, we must then wrestle with what it means to honour our parents. This seems challenging but not impossible to those of us who have grown up in a good home but what does this mean for those of us who have not had that luxury? What does this command look like to those who have come from abusive backgrounds? What does it mean for us who have never known our parents? What does this mean for those of us who have lost a parent and did not honour them whilst they were alive?

The Meaning of Honour

What we must first do is define what this word, honour, means. Then we should look at the context of it in its day. The word honour, or Tima in the Greek, refers to the value and price you put on someone or something. So, as Paul was commanding the children to obey and honour, he was calling them to obey in response to the value of their parents. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 outlines the important part parents are to play in the raising of Children. In this section, Joshua, summarises to the new generation who are about to enter the promised land, what the decalogue is about. He states that they are to love the Lord with all their heart, soul and might and they are to teach it diligently to their children. This is to create a God consciousness and God Submissiveness reality within them. As the parents hold this high call children are to obey and give them the respect that they deserve. It was within this synergy that the family unit thrived, and the covenant was passed on from generation to generation.

 

Practicing Honour

Practically speaking, honouring looked like forgiving parents, speaking well of them, seeking their wisdom, supporting them and providing for them. This was always rooted in a heart position not necessarily in an obedience to all of these things. So how do we respond to this? How do we honour if we do not know our parents or it is not safe to have a relationship? It’s impossible to address every situation so perhaps it’s worth just providing context and a few distinctions to help you think and pray about this topic. When Paul asks the church to honour their parents, he uses the same word that is used to honour the government (Romans 13:7). God calls us to honour those who are owed honour. Owed not because of what they have done, but because of the seat that God has put them in. This honour does not always mean obedience. For example, If an authority calls for disobedience to God then we must realise that we first owe obedience to God.

As Paul calls for an attitude over an action what should be some distinctions that help frame our actions in light of our attitudes.

  1. Honour God first. In honouring your parents, we must realise that above every authority God is sovereign. He calls us to complete obedience to him, even if that means we lose relationship or suffer ridicule. This does mean that honour and obedience must be separated. If a parent asks you to do something that is either overstepping their authority or disobeying God, you can respectfully say no. 
  2. Honour position not the person. If honouring the person through relationship is unwise then we work to honour the position given by God. This means to have a respect for fathers and mother in the general sense. This means to respect that God has created the position and esteemed your parent to that position. Honour it by speaking well of it and fulfilling your role in it if the time comes for you to do so.
  3. Honour does not mean relationship. Again, if you are unsafe or do not have the opportunity to know your parent then honour from afar. This means to speak well of them, honour the seat they have and be willing to forgive. Prayer has a very important role in this. It is very hard to pray for someone whom you do not love.
  4. Honour does not mean enabling or agreement. As you work through your obedience to this you must realise that honouring does not condone their behaviour. You can love them and speak well of them while still calling out sin. This may mean that if abuse has taken place that you can alert authorities.

Ultimately, we are called to live in response to the good news of Jesus. This means that all our thinking and praying should be around connecting the disconnected to Him. As you are thinking and praying through this issue don’t forget that God does indeed give you more than you can handle so that you are reliant on Him. Bring the Holy spirit into your thoughts and allow him to guide you in this.

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